Tissues May Be Required

At bedtime last night, I was more than ready to have the little cherubs asleep and resting in their beds whilst I could be elsewhere.  Impressive use of the word whilst I might add.  As I lay reading books with Mr. Willpot, our independent goes by the beat of his own drum 4 year old who doesn't take much crap from anyone, when he asks me...

"Mommy what's that called when you throw a penny and make a wish?"

"A wishing well?"

"Yeah.  Next time I make a wish I'm going to ask for Mimi to be alive again."

Got me right there.  Didn't see it coming.  I cried and said, "Yeah.  That would be great.  I really miss Mimi."  He hugged me and said, "It's alright."

Most times I try to appear composed as I swallow my tears and worry that my boys are going to remember be as a sad mommy, as one who cries at the drop of the hat, as one who seems to be WAY more impatient that she used to be.  I have changed. 

I know.  I'm sorry guys.  I'm grieving.  It's a process.  I'm riding the waves through it.  Sometimes I crash and burn.  Others I right on the white caps and think such happy thoughts of how lucky I was to have had such a good relationship with my mom. 

On Monday nights I have been attending a Griefshare group at church.  Thus far I am not much into the sharing.  I am a hestitant open person.  You must win my trust before I open up.  Therefore my role is to listen and internally reflect hoping to encourage the healing in my heart.

My whole reality has be altered.  I am searching for a new normal for me.  One which doesn't include my Mom.  My thoughts are that stinks and I don't want to do it.

There.  I shared.  Bring on the healing.  Just a bit.  Teeny tiny bit.  I'm not greedy.  
  

Rules to Live by....according to 10 year old

I found this list titled "Golden Rules" scribbled in Ethan's handwriting.

1.  Don't party with psychos.
2.  Do not have a fancy party in a sewage pipe.
3.  Don't have a glass yard sale at a football game.
4.  Don't swim in armor.
5.  Do not go out in a storm while fixing a lightning rod.
6.  Do not hide something from the Hulk.
7.  Don't take a bath in toxic waste.
8.  Don't play dodge ball with bowling balls.
9.  Don't go sledding in a landslide.
10.  Never make undies out of poison ivy.
11.  Never stand out in the open in a meteor shower.
12.  Never play jump rope in the middle of a war.
13.  Never play hide and seek with the invisible man.
14.  Never play tag with the flash.
15.  Don't play football with giants.
16.  Don't play tug of war with superman.
17.  Do not have a huge picnic by an ant hill.
18.  Don't box with the Hulk.
19.  Never have a blind person drive your car.
20.  Never set a rocket in self-destruct mode.
21.  Never have church in a demolition site.

These are unedited "Dos and Don'ts" from my son.

Apparently we are teaching well in the ways of the world.

A 3 Hour Tour

Today was the first day that I was without kids for a few hours.  What to do? What to do?  I tried to get a little exercise.  Got a little teary-eyed at the gym when a woman was helping her elderly father walk across to therapy.  Hit me right smack in the middle of my chest.  Too many memories of helping my mom over those last months.  Once when I was trying to figure out how to get her out of the car and into a wheelchair to go to a doctor's appointment I was concerned that she would roll away because the hospital chair brakes seemed a bit untrustworthy.  Also Will was crawling in the back of the van refusing to get out.  Therefore I enlisted the help of some 20 something man in a muscle shirt on his way to the gym.  Lovely fella.  Held on to Mimi while I manhandled Will out of the van. 

Next project, I worked on finding good music for our preschool class when they need to get up and MOVE (which is most of the time).  There seems to be an abundance of goofy music out there.  I also like to do a lot of extra school work at home because of the overtime pay.  It really helps with the monthly budget.

Then I moved on to cleaning.  YAWN.  I have discovered that I still find little to no satisfaction in cleaning.  Once as a teenager I noticed the mixer my mom took out of the cupboard had a few splattered dough marks.  I asked, "Why?"  My mom's reply, "There are so many more interesting things to do than clean."  I remember that ALL the time.  Today, however, I did clean the dust from the top of the ceiling fan blades and cleaned the kitchen windows.  There's an hour of my life I won't get back.

Not much else to say, just wanted to keep posting.  Post on!! 

Summer....in a nutshell

Haven't felt much like posting lately.   Feeling down and unmotivated to share anything.  So today I thought...JUST DO IT!  So here I am, pulling myself up by the bootstraps.  Trying to find some semblance of happiness in the every day.  An every day that is drastically different for me without my mom around.

Here's some scenes of summer that make me smile. 

Good friend Michelle and I sporting some of the highest heels that I have ever set eyes or feet upon.  We wore them around Target and picked us up a couple of good-lookin' men  (okay, okay our husbands).

 



 Uncle Extraordinaire JE with cousin dog extraordinaire, Finn.

 Fishing with Grandpa.  You should've seen the one that got away! 

Great Wolf Lodge indoor water park in Cincinnati.  

Mini-golf with the dudes.

Arcade jackpot.....1,000 tickets.  With our earnings we picked out some lovely plastic objects and a small deck of cards.  We only needed 10,000 tickets for Momma to take home a crock pot.  That is a true statement.   One of the prizes that you could "buy" with your ticket earnings at an arcade was a crock pot.  I bet those are just flying off the shelves by your average arcade frequenting 12-13 year old.

Crazy hair boy.

 

T-P ing car innocently parked in front of our house and belonging to dear H-D friends who were visiting neighbors of ours.  Hey, that's the risk you take for coming in the 'hood!! 

 

Will pot.

Riding the coaster bike with determination.

Ben learns to ride a two wheeler overcoming his fears of going "too fast" and "not being able to stop".

Lego museum of sorts.  "Plastic Brick museum" in Bellaire, Ohio.  It was fun and the boys had a blast.  The museum was in an old school house so I felt like we were rummaging through someone's basement and attic.

Braces off lady.

 

 

Kevin and good friend Noah playing basketball with kids.  They had to play using T-Rex arms.

 



 

 

Well, there you have it.  No deep revealing insights into my current mental status (You are welcome.) but at least a small update on our lives.

 

Tally ho.